5 days to go before my life begins

Holy Crap

5 days.

That is all I have before my project is in.

20 days until my fate is sealed and I am forced to go through the trauma of opening my results in a personal tutorial with my department head (how evil is that?!? I want to open them on my own in the toilet whilst rocking gently to and fro... to and fro...)

Am feeling v. stressed but mostly about how I do not actually seem stressed.. Odd I know, but I have spent the last 16 weeks working on this project and to be honest, I'm not far off getting it done. V. scared about picking up work from the printers.. Having dreams about putting my A1 boards onto the wall and discovering a huge spelling mistake (most probably in my name just to add to my unemployability) and then having to present to the tutors who will think I am completely thick just as they secretly thought..

Not entirely sure what happens once my work is locked in that room. I think I may have a computer free weekend so that I'm not tempted to look at work and notice problems. The concept of "free time" is also something I am not familiar with as I have not had any since A levels. What do free people do? Do you go out to town without the feelings of guilt and actually afford to buy more than two drinks because you have an actual grown up job?

Which leads me to the largest issue which keeps me awake at night. It took me a year and a half to get the job at Sainsbury's. How the hell am I going to find a proper job! Have become bitter to those lucky people who can go on graduate schemes with their guaranteed salary and medical plans. I just want to do what I have been training for for the last 4 years and what I have wanted to do for the last 8. Why must that be so difficult?

But on to happier thoughts! My Birthday approaches, and with it - a trip to the zoo :)

(well I can't think of anything else to do!)

Also having to cope with random family members buying me degree/work related presents or in some cases the certainty that they will actually forget altogether (as have officially become a work-hermit)

Right - am going to sit on sofa and have a nap.. will wake refreshed and ready to work!* My eyes feel fried..



*I don't actually believe that - it's just the only way I can justify sleeping

Now an award winning designer..

...well, joint second place out of the 11 best designers in the uni isn't too bad!

Have now got to spend my meagre amount of money on a holiday to Venice and essentially send the trustees a postcard of some sort.

Now I just have to pray that the picture of me does not appear in the Birmingham Mail (Needless to say it rained on me on the way to the Jewellery Quarter..)

if something could put you off having kids...

Have just got back from the most bizarre lunch ever!

James and I had a coffe and some toasted sandwiches which were v. nice in the Marks and Spencers restaurant. After we had sat down a couple with a toddler occupied the table next to us.

Their child then proceeded to belch his way through lunch. Honestly - I have never heard anything like it! It was so gross that I had to stop drinking for fear that I would throw up!

*shudder*

We were so relieved when they left, although ten minutes later they walked past with the child still doing it!! It reminded me of one of the baddies in my earthworm jim game that threw up fish...

7 hours

Yep.. The image previously blogged took seven hours to render.

In the end I had to set my alarm and wake up in the middle of the night to check it. V obsessive I know!

Picture looks great though! I have achieved quite a bit today, managing to create a board layout and another 3 images whilst fitting in a Pizza Hut at lunch. Yum.

Ooh, speaking of which, beloved Pizza Hut has been redesigned and now possesses a tasty interior as well as a tasty menu. Resorted to taking sneaky pictures on my phone camera to remember the bits that I liked. How sad. Degree has finally claimed my sanity.

At 5pm I trekked across Birmingham, dragging my soggy laptop bag behind me, and attempted to catch a train. Oh how I loathe the British Rail Network, where the smallest amount of rain can stop a train and a stray leaf could leave me stranded.

Nevertheless, I am now settled at my desk in the groove created in my seat pad, staring out at the rain with that smug feeling of being indoors. I think I shall go make a brew.

Early evening rambles

The time is.. 21:21.

I have been sat staring at an image loading on my screen for what feels like a lifetime. Well it probably is for the mayfly or something..

One and a half hours of my precious time dissolved into two inches of an image.

How will I get another 14 of these done in 7 days?

It's a strange feeling, being so close to the end. I feel elated - ready to find a job, house, new car. There is just this giant evil shadow (known as The Project) rearing it's ugly head and trampling upon my happy future thoughts. The thoughts that get me on the train and make it fun to sit at my computer. The thoughts that find me with the cat watching James wash the car on our driveway, contemplating what to make for dinner and how nice it would be if we redecorated the lounge...

Oh well, if this is what it takes then I suppose I shall just sit here for the next three hours and watch my future load in front of my eyes.