5 days to go before my life begins

Holy Crap

5 days.

That is all I have before my project is in.

20 days until my fate is sealed and I am forced to go through the trauma of opening my results in a personal tutorial with my department head (how evil is that?!? I want to open them on my own in the toilet whilst rocking gently to and fro... to and fro...)

Am feeling v. stressed but mostly about how I do not actually seem stressed.. Odd I know, but I have spent the last 16 weeks working on this project and to be honest, I'm not far off getting it done. V. scared about picking up work from the printers.. Having dreams about putting my A1 boards onto the wall and discovering a huge spelling mistake (most probably in my name just to add to my unemployability) and then having to present to the tutors who will think I am completely thick just as they secretly thought..

Not entirely sure what happens once my work is locked in that room. I think I may have a computer free weekend so that I'm not tempted to look at work and notice problems. The concept of "free time" is also something I am not familiar with as I have not had any since A levels. What do free people do? Do you go out to town without the feelings of guilt and actually afford to buy more than two drinks because you have an actual grown up job?

Which leads me to the largest issue which keeps me awake at night. It took me a year and a half to get the job at Sainsbury's. How the hell am I going to find a proper job! Have become bitter to those lucky people who can go on graduate schemes with their guaranteed salary and medical plans. I just want to do what I have been training for for the last 4 years and what I have wanted to do for the last 8. Why must that be so difficult?

But on to happier thoughts! My Birthday approaches, and with it - a trip to the zoo :)

(well I can't think of anything else to do!)

Also having to cope with random family members buying me degree/work related presents or in some cases the certainty that they will actually forget altogether (as have officially become a work-hermit)

Right - am going to sit on sofa and have a nap.. will wake refreshed and ready to work!* My eyes feel fried..



*I don't actually believe that - it's just the only way I can justify sleeping