Am cursed!

Just choked on a piece of egg.

Picked up bottle of lemonade to get a drink (still choking) and bottle fizzed up and went all over myself and the couch.

I am so close to crying tonight.

Hell is a blue piece of wallpaper

Oh I am so weary...

Today was "decorating Halle's bedroom" day. Her room was a bright blue colour so when Claire picked me up this morning to get the paint we got an extra tin of light pink paint to use as an undercoat.

Shopping list:

1 tin of vinyl paint (pale pink)

1 tin of vinyl-matt paint (lovely ice-cream pink colour)

3 sets of paint pads - Claire wouldn't retrieve her things from the shed as they had a spider sat on them

1 paint roller

1 bottle of white spirits

3 paint brushes

The painting began with covering the blue wallpaper seen in the picture on the right.

Slightly odd finish but it was ok when we came back for the second coat.

We were having a really fun time, Halle was dancing around and all of the bizarre things we did wrong seemed quite amusing. (see picture below...)

We broke for lunch and had a sandwich and a packet of crisps and then went upstairs. It was like a horror film!!! The paint had started OOZING DOWN THE WALL. The room looked as if it was melting!

Paint would not dry!

It had instead turned to a gloopy rubber substance. Cue picture.

At 2pm we had to stip off wallpaper complete with wet paint. It covered us, it covered the floor and it even went on the ceiling. Miraculously at 5.50pm we had managed to stick up the border and get most of the room back to normal.

I'll need therapy for the rest of my life! I was so traumatised by the glooping paint that I was shaking all over and the adrenaline in us to get the job done didn't help!

Am going to go have a verrrry long bath!

Comfort in Cheese

I was feeling quite ill yesterday and spent til 4pm in my bed drifting in and out of sleep with my dvd of pride and prejudice on.. Occasionally the dogs would bark and I would try to yell at them in a dignified manner .. ahem.. and the cat was heard wandering around the house meowing at inanimate objects. I survived the day on one bowl of "Raisin Wheats" which, by midday, had developed into some form of wheaty cement. When James rang to say he was on his way home from work I thought I should really get changed.

Me being croaky and ill on the couch seemed to really effect James as he came in the house, got changed and propmtly turned on his computer in the other end of the house. hmm.

I tried to look pathetic and still no comfort.

After dinner, where I sat next to him and tried to eat 2 pieces of bacon, I managed to gain the biggest form of sympathy James can offer. As I lay on the couch he gave me a big hug and produced a big plate of cheese. Strange, I know, but those who know James will understand (he has an obsession with all things cheese based).

I must point out that James did consume most of the cheese and that it was part of the forbidden cheese plate which was in our fridge that was not ours to eat.. hehehe...

Decisions, decisions...

Do I choose my year 9 school trousers (yes they do still fit) or my ancient green corduroy ones? *gag*

Trouser crisis reaching a head as I woke up today (suspiciously ill?!?) to discover that I have no respectable trousers left in my drawer..

Have already resorted to wearing James's jeans this weekend (have checked and according to this weeks Grazia magazine "boyfriend jeans" are fashionable - hurrah!) But I am now faced with a dilemma... I need to go to Birmingham to buy more trousers - but:

a) I have very limited funds
b) I have no clothes to wear - may get arrested.. (or sectioned if i wear a skirt in this weather)
c) Do I go somewhere i hate - like primark - for a million pairs or do I do what my heart tells me and go to O'Neill (where i have discovered from BG's blog that there is a sale on) and buy just the one?
d) Suddenly occurred to me that James must be around a female size 10.. how odd???

Wonder if I could get home delivery...

Weekend summary

Trouser Trouble

This weekend a total of 4 pairs of jeans made their way to the dustbin..

Pair 1: Large tear down backside that I didn't notice until the evening..
Pair 2: A fatality of the tumble drier due to broken thermostat - flapped around ankles
Pair 3: The zip randomly came down during the day to reveal my underwear
Pair 4: Slapstick comedy moment where I tripped up over the dog and ripped the backside of my jeans open..


Bored Games

"that is improper use of a body part!"

An action packed weekend of monopoly (grr) and a strange balancing game which prompted the above outburst. (stu was being a pigeon too close to the game...)


4 Hours of toiling

This morning I went to a random craft centre and fell in love with a small ornament thing of a cat..
Before I could put it in the room James decided we had to clear a space for it in our downstairs room. Cue 4 hours of hoovering, manovering and recycling with an awful lot of cursing under the breath. The cat looks great though!



On the subject of pictures..

My camera returned from Nikon ! Hurrah!

oh the memories!

Whilst wandering around the kitchen in my dressing gown concocting a breakfast feast of turkey sandwich, twix and coffee, a song came on the radio which made all these memories come back..

The song was Keane's new one (I think it must be called under the iron sea..)

A few days ago I was sat in the car with post-work James and this song came on the radio.. The chorus begins with the phrase "oh crystal ball, crystal ball, save us all"

Now if you replace the words "crystal ball" with "Chris deBurgh" you will get the gist of what james was singing..

This is not a new thing for James.. When we first met at Sainsbury's we were stacking up our veg and singing Christmas carols (incidently it was in fact December) when James came out with what has now become a classic -

"Good King Wenceslas went to town, riding on a pony, stuck a feather in his hat and called it macaroni."

I think that may have been the moment...

Another fire related tale..

For those who read yesterdays post - I didn't notice at the time, but on closer inspection the rag in the driveway had a remnant of tupperware box in it so I now understand the vile plastic fumes!

Have finally been able to put a picture of it on the page - please note the small puddle and the pile of tinfoil. For those with good eyesight you may even be able to see a brillo pad snuggled in there!

Told James what had happened when he rang at lunch and he laughed and told me he pictured a Sim-like reaction from me. Also informed me of an amusing fire related anecdote from the world of IT support. Yesterday a man called up to say he was struggling to do a back up and he needed it done quickly as the building was on fire! See, am not the only idiot in the world...

Yesterday also saw the passing of my TV. The picture randomly goes and you have to hit the top. I did that yesterday and the screen turned white. I now have to watch TV through my laptop (James's mum and dad got me a digital receiver for my 21st so I could watch neighbours at uni.. I know, I am pathetic!)

On reflection, yesterday was pretty bad! After all of the trauma in the day we went with Tom to play tennis. Tom promptly injured himself tripping up on a tennis ball.

Hopefully today will be better! I will report back tonight!

Near death experience..

Oh my god


I was feeling slightly peckish so i decided to put a pizza in the oven for lunch. Put pizza in the oven as phone beeped.

Sat sending a txt back to claire and noticed a really weird noise. Sounded like a firework.. v. odd. Fireworks are not usually found in the house?! Walked into kitchen and cooker on fire!!!

Oh god. Cooker on fire.

Turned off the cooker switch and grabbed the oven gloves. With window open i bravely grabbed the flaming tea towel sitting on top of the hob and threw out of window.

By this point I was gasping for breath as kitchen, hall and dining room completely full of burning polyester smoke.

I opened all of the door and windows and shut the little kitty in her room and ran into the garden to breathe some clean air.. Next thing i heard the voice of the next door neighbour going "oh my god! it's on fire!" He had run across to throw water on the still burning pile of rag sat under the window. I explained what had happened and he left when he saw i was ok.

It was at this point - me (looking amazingly rough btw as was due to bathe after said pizza and was wearing an odd combo of utility trousers, nighty top and tatty snowboard asylum jumper) scrubbing furiously at burnt plasic on hob, rag on driveway still smouldering - that a strange lad in a white coat appeared.

Bet you can guess my first thought!

Instead of screeming "don't take me away! It was only an accident!" I was forced to listen to boy speaking gibberish abut frozen fish.

Frozen fish??? I had no idea what he was saying, I was still in trauma and rag still looking suspicious on the driveway. I replied with "I didn't know we had fish"

It sounds so stupid now but at the time i was stupid myself.

He looked at me like i was a loony and then said "Do you want to order some fish. We freeze it. Then deliver it. To your house. Do you want any fish?"

"It's not my house"

CAN YOU NOT SEE I AM IN A STATE OF PANIC AND COUGHING WITH NEWLY AQUIRED SMOKERS COUGH DUE TO TOWEL??????

For your own amusement have taken a picture of the culprit (incase you were wondering it is tinfoil next to it as was afraid of flames and wrapped some over the top when threw out of window... (will have to add picture of it later - blogger is having issues with pictures at the mo!)



Well, I am off to town now to buy some replacement tea towels...

Oh my god, I was so embarrassed!

Last night James took me out for dinner and cinema which was v. good.. We went to see "Monster House" (which i may add is a childrens animated film)

This should be ok.. I don't like horror but it is a kids film after all, I will be fine.



And then I punched myself in the eye grabbing James's hand.

Happy Birthday Deakie!

I was informed today that it was my sisters dogs birthday. On this very special tenth birthday my sister was abandoning him and had texted me to see if i could go and feed him his dinner and his carrot..

On the way out of the drive i wished i had never left the house. Stupid big van parked a couple of foot away from my drive blocking the whole view of the road. I dithered for ages and decided to pull out verrry slowly to check for traffic. A blue rover 25 sped past me doing about 50mph and beeped it's horn at me. Not good. My confidence shot i continued out to find that i could not actually get out of drive due to thin-ness of road and proximity of said vehicle. (i have to reverse onto the road)

I screeched back onto the driveway in a foul mood to James who had come out to see why someone was beeping their horn at me. James then reversed the car for me and let me back in.

Feel utterly incompetant and cannot drive.

Talking about ice-cream vans..

At lunchtime today I had my daily phonecall from James on his dinner and as i was speaking i heard this bizarre noise in the background..

Said noise turned out to be an ice-cream van. According to James this van had not driven by him at all during lunch but sounded as if it were on the car park.. We came to the conclusion that it was either a ghostly apperition or someone who has fallen upon hard times and needed transport to work.

Now this is the part I would like an opinion on - are the jingle creators powered by the movement of the van or are they pre-recorded? If you sped up would the tune go crazy like some demented chipmonk-smurf-style song? I would love to know what one on a motorway would sound like..

Opinions please!

Irrepairable damage!

As you can see, the old style was not to be! I had made it so confusing that even web master James could not figure out exactly what I had done to the code!

So tadar! Welcome to my new page - very architectury-looking eh?

Why can't I leave things be?!?

SORRY

I appear to have "broken" my website.. ahem..

I cannot help it, I have very little knowledge of CSS and as such I messed* with something** and now I don't know how to fix it!***

As a result, the site will look crap until James gets back from work and mutters about my ineptitude at programming..


*deleted
**the code
***have forgotten what was written..

Well, that explains alot...

The other day James and I were participating in one of our favourite past-times - bitching about the Tamworth Carnival Queen entrants in the paper and discussing all of their faults (and believe me there are many)

Once finished, we continued flicking through the paper and landed on a page with a large picture of a girl.

"Now she is definitely far more attractive!" commented James

Unfortunately he was unwittingly reading an article on the perils of anorexia...

Decorating maniac

Have finally found something to distract me from my terminal case of unemployment - decorating!

I spent yesterday with the radio on full belt singing to cheesy songs and painting both the walls and the dogs.. very theraputic. Maybe it brings me a sense of control or accomplishment? Or maybe I just get bored of things easily and enjoy change.. whatever the reason, it has given me purpose in this world once more!

Poor Scott, he now has a large cream patch on his side that he is parading around as if its some great war wound.. I think he must have leant against the wall whilst waddling past (he is a big dog after all!) Thankfully less of a casualty than my last decorating incident where the kitty managed to jump off my desk and land into a tin of "Latte" paint.

For those who are interested, this weeks colour of choice is "apple" - a glorious blend of cream and, well, apple colour. (although i must say, the resulting colour just looks pretty cream really..)

But you can't drink a potato!

The shopping channel really is amusing..

Not only have I learnt that with a new juicer i can live longer, but kiwi, strawberry and potato makes a great refreshing drink!

Now I am all for experimenting with food but I can't imagine what a potato would taste like "juiced"

I think I'll stick to the solid, cooked variety..

My cat is nearly normal!

Hurrah!

My cat has now got roughly %90 of her fur back.. Sadly this has been replaced with a claw bed infection, but it's getting better!

(must apologise, short entry due to the fact that I have a total of ten minutes to have a shower before I have to leave the house and my hair has turned into some sort of helmet-type thing)

oh dear...

yesterday I just couldn't rouse myself to do anything at all.. in the 6 hours between fetching James i had a bath.. and that was it!

I ended up in a fit of despair watching Love Actually in bed and crying about the woman who realises her husband is having an affair..

I wish I had a job

Is 48 fairy cakes too many?

hmm

I promised James I would make some more fairy cakes for his colleagues at work (he took some in as an apology for not bringing in sweets after his holiday and now they keep asking when the next batch is..) the only thing is, I may have been a bit too enthusiastic..

Doubling the ingredients seemed like a logical thing to do for someone who once made a victoria sponge and ate so much mixture it became a cupcake. However, i wasn't in the mood for sickliness, and, as a result, i now have 48 cakes sat on the kitchen table..

Well here it is then!

Sorry for lateness!
Here is the picture promised, i just couldn't understand A: why it was there (in the middle of a ski slope) and B: what the hell is it? I mean, i can tell it is a bowling pin, but it seems to be wearing sunglasses and a hat??? Its arms were waving around like the secret agent from "team America" and i laughed so much James had to hold me upright..